singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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