I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
be right there i have to get my cape
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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