I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
