One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
