we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
