I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
