it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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