How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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