A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
