Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He better not be in your backpack
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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