She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
