What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
there's paper in my vomit.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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