last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
