OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
