i need an iv and a liver transplant
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
