Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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