do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
