as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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