Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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