i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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