turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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