Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
