Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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