dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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