he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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