Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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