Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
