You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
