My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
