I'm really into asian looking animals
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
