You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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