We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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