fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
