it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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