Apparently you make a good broom.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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