he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
