Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
