I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
