the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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