I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
