I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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