babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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