A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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