i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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