he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
