I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
