Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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