The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bring me that man meat
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
