So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
