I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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