last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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