Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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