I heard we made out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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