you guys were way drunker than both of me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
